The military can go to hell!

I am just so fucking sick of this damned deployment! My son broke 3 drawers in our house today (base housing) and if they expect me to pay for it they have another thing coming! I told them ALL (the commander included) that they couldn't send my husband away, because I was having trouble with my autistic son. So when they come back to their broke ass house then they are responsible. My husband should not be over there right now! And anyone who thinks they understand. You have no Fucking Idea!!!!!! I might offend some by saying that, but you really don't even have an ounce of a clue. I can NOT handle this by myself. The strain that deployments put on a family is unbearable. Add on top of that 3 children five years old and under PLUS special needs and its just not fucking going to work! So what if they kick him out. Oh please like that would even scare me at this point. Kick him out please! For the love of God kick him out! Tell him they have no need for him since we have a child with special needs! Great! Maybe I wont be beat up every day by my 5 year old! Maybe I wont have to worry about him hurting my other children! I need help, what the hell more can I say. And if any of my other children should be hurt by my son during this deployment or Aiden ends up in an institution I hope those involved realize it is on their head eternally. I hope damnation it self rests upon there heads. Better yet I hope they have are blessed with an Autistic child so that they can be though of as bad parents with an unruly child. And have a child with out the ability to understand or express love. And have tantrums that totally tear apart everything including their soul, their marriages and their beautiful homes and precious things! And once they feel like they can't take it anymore, not one more once, take away their spouse for a year and tell them to bad.. you have to do it on your own, we do not care about what goes on in your family or about your child's "supposed" mental disability. Maybe just maybe, at that point they will understand what I am going threw on this fine April evening! Oh and a special fuck you to the FRG Lady in charge of our group. You must be the commanders fuck buddy or something, but you had no business in that meeting between him and I. And if I had it to do over again I would tell you to go to fucking hell the moment you opened your Yappy mouth!

Thanks my vent is over! And I do love my son, I am not implying in anyway that I don't. So those of you who are reading this, and thinking otherwise, without experiencing the difficulties that come with a special needs child... go to hell for judging me!

Almost a month!

This has been the longest month ever! I can't believe I have to go through 11 more of these. I have been so busy with 3 children and school. I have very little time for myself. Me sitting down, like I am right now, having the time to actually write a blog is a rarity. I don't even have the time to talk with my husband the way I would like too. We talk about 8 minutes a day and half that time I am screaming at my kids in the background. By the time he gets home to IM me its about 10pm my time and I don't have the energy or the capacity to talk much via IM. I cant even think straight after about 9pm. My littlest is sick right now too. So I am awake around the clock pretty much and waking up at about 4:30am. I just pretty much feel over stretched, but there is nothing I can do about it and nobody to save me.

To give you an example of my life.. I am stealing a minute to myself. Just long enough to sit here and write a paragraph or two. And to do this I have had to lock myself in the bathroom, while my daughter screams and bangs on the door for me to come out. And for those of you who might read this and think its cruel. You don't know my life in the least. I need this second to stay sane. And sometimes I just cant do it all. All the time.. All by myself.